Tales Of The Immortal Flash! #TalesOfTheImmortalFlash , A Flash Gordon/Highlander/BTLC Fan Fiction, Chapter 1: Dr. Zarkhov Will Have Hell To Pay!
Tales Of The Immortal Flash! #TalesOfTheImmortalFlash , A Flash Gordon/Highlander/BTLC Fan Fiction, Chapter 1: Dr. Zarkhov Will Have Hell To Pay!
Chapter 1:
Lord Klytus The Fallen One Is Not Pleased!
Dr. Zarkhov Will Have Hell To Pay!
The UFC heavyweight championship bout plays on a giant ultra high depth display that nearly takes up one whole wall of, and provides the only light for, an otherwise smallish bedchamber, decorated with exotic and expensive Chinese antiques. Chief among these exotic and expensive Chinese antiques in the room, is the an old and decrepit shell, of a beyond ancient Chinese man, seated in a wheelchair in front of the big screen, next to a small table for a steaming tea set, tea cup in one hand, remote in the other, legs covered by a blanket in the wheel chair, long thin white hair hanging down nearly to the floor by the wheels of the chair. The ancient mandarin in the wheelchair seems especially fixated on one particular older Chinese man in the corner of Jack Hammer Burton during the fight.
Ancient Mandarin:
Well Egg Shen?… What will you do now that your champion has failed in his sporting distractions?… and fallen by the hand of one of his friends and brothers in arms no less?… Will you have the wherewithal?… to gather them together?… to come after me again Egg Shen?!?…
The ancient mandarin mutters and screams at the Egg Shen image in some ancient dialect of Chinese for a few seconds, then sets his remote down on his lap and lets the loop play. With his free hand, he reaches up trembling to cup one of his eyes. The cupped eye begins to glow and flash brilliantly for a moment, before subsiding and leaving something behind in the ancient one’s hand, and leaving a gaping hole in one of his eye sockets. The ancient and trembling hand lowers down to rest on one of the arms of the wheel chair. And he opens his hand to reveal a small eye, which then sprouts bat wings, ears, legs and a tail. Then it proceeds to fly away, as if on some unspoken errand of it’s master’s.
The bat winged eye flies it’s way to a nearby Chinese restaurant in San Francisco’s China Town, where it finds the restaurant closed for a private celebration by the owner and friends. Restaurant owner and corner man Wang Chi and his wife Miao Yin are arguing in Chinese in the kitchen. His two other fellow corner men are arguing fight tactics in English as they review the fight on a big screen tv in the restaurant. One is an upper middle aged Chinese man with a salt and pepper buzz cut, and two amputated legs equipped with high end synthetic composite prosthetics, wearing the business uniform of a US Marine colonel, with ‘Col. Chi’ on it. The other is a similarly upper middle age appearing Chinese man with a longer and shaggier mix of salt and pepper, plus beard, wearing a business suit typical of your average university professor, sans tie.
The newly clean shaven Jack Hammer Burton sits out the argument with his corner men, and quietly sips his beer in a black Slayer t-shirt. Likewise sitting it out and sipping a beer next to him, is a blonde woman in a US Marine captain’s uniform, with ‘Capt. Burton’ on it. A scraggily blonde haired biker in a leather duster, jeans, steel toe boots, sleeps it off passed out head down on top of one of the restaurant’s tables. The winged bat eye focuses keenly in on the shaggy haired salt an pepper Chinese professor, as the buzzcut presses his case.
Col. Chi:
Come on Uncle Egg!… Jack had him!… Flash was getting punchy!… But he got lucky!… If Jack had more ground game… he could have wrapped this fight up!… Jack gave Flash the room to beat him because he’s got no ground game!…
Uncle Egg:
He must master his chi!… Jack was careless with his chi!… That was why he lost… Flash used Jack’s own chi against him…
Col. Chi:
Oh come on Uncle Egg!… If that stuff were any good… my son could be champion!…
Uncle Egg:
He could be!… If he was allowed to!…
Jack Burton:
Sign me up for his corner…
Capt. Burton:
Are you throwing in the towel on your fighting career already?… after just one attempt at the championship?…
Jack Burton:
No Jamie… Not for a minute… But there’s no reason why we can’t have more fighters in the ring… There’s no reason why I can’t do both… And why can’t Wang fight again?… Sir?…
Col. Chi:
Because Jack… My son doesn’t fight!… Not for anything but his restaurant!… I lost my legs so that my son wouldn’t have to risk his!…
Jack Burton:
I don’t think he’s liable to lose his legs in the ring…
Col. Chi:
Accidents happen!… including paralysis!… I’m lucky I can walk at all in any way… But it’s worth it!… So that my son never has to do anything like that!…
Jack Burton:
Shouldn’t that be up to Wang?...
Col. Chi:
No Jack… Not unless the heavens themselves fall down upon us!…
Jack Burton:
And if the pillars of heaven shake?…
Col. Chi:
Let them Shake!… And call the US Marines!…
Jack Burton:
That’s strict… And I thought I had restrictions… as an alien hiding out on Earth… I can understand why I have to keep up appearances and all… But why is it that I have an easier time of it than native son Wang?… What’s that called again?…
Col. Chi:
It’s called being Chinese!…
Jack Burton:
I keep hearing that excuse from you guys… And I have to say… it’s starting to wear a bit thin…
Uncle Egg:
Tell me about it!…
Jack Burton:
Besides… it’s… racist!…
Col. Chi:
Cute Jack… Cute…
Jack Burton:
That is what all the ladies say… Even more so now that I’m newly shorn… My fans have already spoken online… Gracie eat your heart out…
Uncle Egg:
Normie alert…
Dr. Zarkhov arrives at the party with Flash and his girlfriend, with flash sporting official looking athletic gear of the US Olympic Team.
Jack Burton:
Oh… no … dude… you didn’t…
Flash Gordon:
You bet I did… I’m going to the trials… But I like my chances… Call me greedy if you want… But I want it all… This one means even more than the championship though… Because it’s not just about me then… it’s about representing…
Jack Burton:
Now you’re talking like a politician… Next thing you know you’ll be running for office… That’s the kind of stuff that they want you to believe… But the Olympics are for politics… It’s sports as bait for the hook of propaganda…
Flash Gordon:
Maybe I will run for office one day… Maybe you should to…
Jack Burton:
Do you really hate me that much that you would wish that curse upon me?!?… Strike down those words now or you will be dead to me forever!…
Flash Gordon:
Calm down Jack… Don’t be so melodramatic… I take it back… All I’m saying is… is that you know what it means to serve as well as I do…
Flash Girl:
And what was that service exactly?… You can share with me… I’m not in the reporter business anymore… I gave that up for Flash and Dr. Zarkhov’s sake… You can confide in me…
Col. Chi:
You gave up reporter grunt work Miss Arden… to write deep history and expose books about good people that made bad mistakes…
Miss Arden:
You’re not still sore are you?… Those generals got caught… They just fell into a trap set for them by others… I’m sorry if some of them were friends of yours… But there was no other way to expose the big fish… And they made their bed… And they lied in it… And they got caught… And not just by me…
Col. Chi:
I know that Miss Arden… But I don’t have to like it… I really have to going as it is… I’m do back at Annapolis…
Col. Chi grabs his hat and goes into the kitchen to talk with the married couple arguing in Chinese.
Flash Gordon:
Dale…
Dale Arden:
What?… I’m sorry his friends got roasted… But if you can’t do the time then don’t do the crime…
Uncle Egg:
Quite right miss Arden… But there is such a thing as too much honesty…
Dale Arden:
Sounds like you have something hide… Care to unload Uncle Egg?…
Flash Gordon:
Dale…
Dale Arden:
What?… I’m just asking…
Wang Chi:
You’re always just asking…
Wang Chi and his wife Miao Yin enter from the kitchen with Col. Chi.
Jack Burton:
I know right?… She’s way worse than Gracie ever was…
Miao Yin:
汉语言!,汉语言!,汉语言!… 汉语言!… Jackass!… 汉语言!… Jackass Hammer!… 汉语言!…
Jack Burton:
You know… I actually know some those words?…
Miao Yin:
Jackass!…
Dale Arden:
What’s her problem?…
Jack Burton:
She lost money on me… And I made the mistake of teller her that she should stick to majong… And I live here… right up stairs…
Dale Arden:
Not for too much longer perhaps…
Jack Burton:
Ya think?…
Just then, Lord Klytus the Fallen One erupts into their midst, in a billowing black cloud of smoke that quickly dissipates and evaporates, as if it were never there. The black cloud deposits, then reveals, a black hooded figure with black angel wings, and a solid gold death mask, with no holes for eyes, nose, or mouth, but with evidence of scarring seemingly etched into it’s relief. The figure comes equipped with a set of golden battle gauntlets, and golden knee high armored ridding boots, and a golden whip that wraps around his waste like a belt, with the handle handy in front, but with nothing but smoke and shadow to the figure besides the golden set.
Dr. Zarkhov:
Lord Klytus!…
Klytus The Fallen:
Silence fool!… There are agents everywhere!… On virtually every world… You were supposed to the only one on this one… so that I could make it disappear… like just another passed up acquisition… and nothing more than a clerical error if it’s ever discovered… Now the throne of the Leokin may yet be forfeit along with this world!… The emperor took notice of your championship bout!… with you in this… Flash Gordon’s corner… and the spitting image of the lion king as his opponent… You were recognized by the emperor!… Prince Jack Hammer!… Agent Zarkhov… has been ordered by Ming… to report with this heavy weight champion of his… this… Flash Gordon… alive… by name… and by the explicit decree of the emperor… before the next setting of the Friggian Moons… I am here personally by decree as well… So we are now all bound to the fate Flash Gordon…
Dale Arden:
What the hell do you mean we?!?…
Klytus The Fallen:
Silence!…
Flash Gordon:
That’s enough!… Kiss Army cosplay reject!…
Klytus The Fallen:
Ignorant fools!…
Klytus is jumped by Flash, who gets back handed by the right hand golden gauntlet, as the others begin to make a move in the fallen one’s direction. The same golden gauntlet that back handed Flash, reaches for the golden whip wrapped around the fallen one’s waste. On contact with the fallen one’s gauntlet, the whip rapidly uncoils itself slightly to spread itself around the fallen one’s immediate vicinity. Suddenly it emits a bright blinding light, and a loud gong like bell sound, accompanied by an invisible concussive energy wave that knocks everyone back, but wakes up the sleeping old blonde biker dude with the leather duster. The biker jumps up with a start at the sight at Klytus, then suddenly sprouts and unfurls his own angel wings out from under his duster, as they rapidly grow out from holes in the back of his duster, concealed by it’s flaps.
Blonde Biker:
Lord Klytus!…
Klytus The Fallen:
Nero… You were supposed to be helping Agent Zarkhov conceal the heirs to the Lion King!… Not going native yourself!… And compounding the problem!… Back down Nero!… Now… Before I teach you what it truly means to be a fallen one… in front of your friends here…
Nero puts his wings away and bows his head slightly before the fallen one.
Nero:
Yes… Lord Klytus…
Flash recovers, but refuses to back down, and launches himself in a flying body tackle at Klytus. The golden whip completely uncoils from around Klytus and then recoils itself around Flash, binding his arms to his sides, and shocking him unconscious, then hoisting him upwards, levitating him off the floor.
Dale Arden:
Flash!…
Klytus The Fallen:
Silence!… Enough!…
The golden gauntlet that formerly served as the whip hand, flies away from it’s master’s ‘body’, and grabs Dale Arden by the throat, but holds back from choking her out.
Klytus The Fallen:
What is this?!?… Agent Zarkhov!… What have you done?!?… Explain yourself!… Immediately!…
Dr. Zarkhov:
Please Lord Klytus!… I can explain!… It just happened!… I have no explanation for myself… But please spare my son and his family!…
Jack Burton:
Son?…
Klytus The Fallen:
Are you seriously telling me… that you have violated your oath… with some… Earth woman?!?…
Dr. Zarkhov:
Please Lord Klytus!… She wasn’t just any woman… She was a military naval officer… She was instrumental in helping us when we first came to this planet to hide the heirs to the lion king… We grew closer and closer… And one thing led to another… We owe her everything… And flash is all I have left of her since she died…
Klytus The Fallen:
Fool!… Do not presume to plead with me like it matters!… as if it were up to me!… By Ming’s law… All of my descendants must serve Ming… as my agents on Ming’s behalf… This is a feature of my prison… and enslavement… even more so than yours… All must serve Ming or be destroyed… And now you and your son have been called before Ming by name… Ming will know what has happened… He will discover it… just as I have… And all of my descendants will be seen as compromised by it… by mere association alone if nothing else… Pray that he will be satisfied with just destroying you and your son… and may yet forget all about this planet… That is the only hope you have left for your grandchild and the child’s mother… This?…
Dr. Zarkhov:
Dale… Dale Arden Lord Klytus…
Lord Klytus releases Dale Arden from the grip of his golden gauntlet, and she drops choking slightly to the floor, otherwise unharmed.
Klytus The Fallen:
Perhaps… Perhaps when this is over… if the emperor is in a forgetful frame of mind… and the Earth is hopefully spared… then I may be free to come back and see to the interests of Miss Arden your grandchild… But the heirs of the Lion King must be evacuated from this planet immediately… Although there is really no safe place for them anywhere… This was it… And now this entire planet may be forfeit… Egg Shen!…
Uncle Egg:
Yes Lord Klytus!…
Klytus The Fallen:
I charge you with the responsibility or relocating the heirs… and if possible… Miss Arden as well… Save who you can… And leave this planet behind… assuming never to return… Agent Zarkhov!… Time for you and your son to meet your appointment with the emperor… and pray for no collateral consequences to your fellow descendants…
Agent Zarkhov makes his way sheepishly towards Lord Klytus, as the gold whip wrapped Flash hovers over to Klytus. As they reach Lord Klytus, he reaches over and touches Agent Zarkhov on the shoulder, and grabs a hold of the golden whip wrapped around Flash. Then they all disappear in a poof of black smoke, that then implodes back into where it came from, taking Lord Klytus, Agent Zarkhov, and Flash Gordon with it, leaving no trace.
Jack Burton:
Egg?… Lord Klytus seemed rather sure of you following his orders… Care to explain?…
Uncle Egg:
It’s simple Jack… I’ve been an agent as you say… since before anyone here was even born… And the members of my order have been agents of Lord Klytus since before the birth of Christ!… for as long as Leokin have been coming to this planet for refuge from Ming’s slaughter!…
Col. Chi:
He’s right Jack… We always have been… Without which you and your sister never would have been able to hide out here so well… Miao Yin’s tribe never would have been able to settle here thousands of years ago… except for the efforts of our order… in league with Klytus…
Jack Burton:
And we didn’t need to know?…
Col. Chi:
You got it Jack… Aren’t you the least bit surprised about Flash?…
Jack Burton:
No… If anything… our childhood makes a lot more sense now… We were always raised like brothers together… even before he moved in with us after his mom died… That part never really made sense… We were just used to it… Dr. Zarkhov was like a father to me growing up… I understood why from a fairly young age… But it never really made sense with Flash… until now…
Wang Chi:
You guys were always thick as thieves growing up… I always just assumed that you were siblings…
Capt. Burton:
No kidding… But siblings or not… we can’t just leave can we?… Even with the means… we can’t just let the planet be destroyed!…
Uncle Egg:
We may not have to… Lord Klytus has been playing a very long game with the emperor… But perhaps he’s far too patient for his own good… or ours… Perhaps the time for revolution is now… Perhaps it’s time for the people of this planet to take the war of the heavens into their own hands… We have no choice but to try and make our escape from the Earth… But we don’t necessarily have to run and hide… And where would we go anyway?… There is nothing to do but fight!…
Col. Chi:
Agreed… And it’s time for my own son to join the fight…
Wang Chi:
Dad!?!… Are you serious?!?…
Col. Chi:
Like a heart attack son…
Jack Burton:
But I thought that even if the pillars of heaven shake… we were just supposed to call the US Marines…
Col. Chi:
Never mind the pillars of heaven shaking Jack… The heavens themselves just came crashing down to Earth all around us… There is nothing left to hold back for… Unfortunately… this planet is in no position to mount any real defense… We can prepare all we want… but with the weapons at Ming’s disposal… we needn’t ever even see the enemy… in order to be utterly destroyed by them… Even if the means of defending this planet could be found… it’s never going to found here… And there is no safe place anywhere in this war… There are no sidelines… just ignorance of the coming war…
Dale Arden:
How?… How are we supposed to escape?… Anyone got a magic carpet?… to go with the fallen angels?… Or do we just rub a lamp?…
Uncle Egg:
There are always means to travel between worlds… if one knows the path Miss Arden… means that are perilous and treacherous in and of themselves… The Leokin people have been traveling to earth by these means… for as long as they have been coming here… And they have been dying along the way to do so for just as long… But we can make our escape by the same means… via the underworld…
Dale Arden:
The underworld?… Are you kidding me?!?…
Wang Chi:
No really… I’ve never been… But I’ve been studying this stuff my whole life… Like I was preparing for it…
Col. Chi:
You were Wang… just like I was… just in case… But that case is now… And I can’t go… So you’re up… And you’d better be ready!… You and Miao Yin… Neither of you can stay behind here… and neither can Miss Arden… just in case…
Capt. Burton:
Mission colonel?…
Col. Chi:
Escape… Seek and ye shall find captain… Find and acquire any means available and necessary to destroy Ming and his empire… And don’t come back if you fail… because there won’t be anything to come back to… The whole point of you two being here to begin with was to help keep hope alive for the Leokin’s rebellion against the empire… I’m afraid that it’s time to fulfil that purpose…
Capt. Burton:
I’m ready to go anytime colonel… I’ve been waiting my whole life for this… I’m tired of waiting for a fate that never comes… I’d rather die fighting…
Jack Burton:
Speak for yourself sis… All that other stuff was just noise to me growing up… I couldn’t care less for some stupid revolution… I’ve seen more than enough of the consequences of that sort of political noise here on earth… back when I was still in uniform… I think that I’d rather just die fighting here… however briefly… rather than get sucked up into that political theater… Perhaps I’ll get lucky… and I’ll get hit directly with the heavenly fireball… instant ash heap… It’s not like I haven’t earned it…
Uncle Egg:
Perhaps jack… But I’m afraid that we don’t have time or the leeway to indulge you…
Egg Shen moves swiftly in behind Jack before he can react, then places one hand on Jack’s shoulder, and blows a small powder into Jack’s face from his open palm.
Jack Burton:
Wha?… Ugh…
Jack Burton’s head drops forward and he slumps to his side, landing into his sister’s lap.
Capt. Burton:
It’s the first day kindergarten all over again…
Dale Arden:
If even Jack doesn’t want to have anything to do with this… what makes you think that we should even bother?… This underworld sounds more dangerous to me than simply waiting and hoping for the best… I can’t manage anything like that in my condition… My condition… My condition that Flash doesn’t even know about!… because I kept it from him so that he could focus on his title defense… I was going to announce it at the party…
Col. Chi:
You may not have to brave the underworld necessarily… Dr. Zarkhov and the pregnant lion queen originally came to earth via means of a space shuttle piloted by Nero here… We still have the vessel… It’s currently being researched and reverse engineered… And I couldn’t possibly get clearance to take it… not in time.. So you’ll just have to steal it…
Nero:
Steel the buzz saw bird?…
Capt. Burton:
Buzz saw bird?…
Nero:
You’ll understand when you hear it fly… if it’s not in stealth mode…
Dale Arden:
Stealing stealth buzz saw birds?… Fallen angels and lion men!?!… Oh Flash…
Dale Arden finally succumbs to exhaustion, as she slumps over on the floor where Klytus left her and passes out. The spying bat eye of Lo Pan flaps it’s wings in excitement at what it has learned, catching the attention of Egg Shen. Egg Shen grabs a knife from his jacket and pounces on the flying spy, stabbing it right in it’s eye ball. The elderly mandarin back in his room reacts with hysterical giggles at the effort by Egg Shen.
Ancient Mandarin:
Far too little too late my old foe… For I have already learned a great deal… a great deal that the emperor will reward the faithful Lo Pan greatly for in return…
The tea cup holding hand of the ancient mandarin places the teacup down on the table beside him. Then he picks up a small bell by the tea set, and rings for his servants. In a sudden thunderous explosion of air in front of Lo Pan, a burly Chinese man, with short black hair in a dark business suit, appears in a flash of light. Another more wiry Chinese man with long dark hair tied in a top knot, wearing a blue business suit, appears in a whirling black wind funnel that appears out of nowhere, then disappears back where it came from, leaving the man behind. Sparks and lightening begin to erupt and spark out of the electrical outlets in the room, converging and striking at a spot next to the other two men, forming, and then solidifying the figure of another wiry built Chinese man, but with short black hair and a grey business suit.
Lo Pan:
There you are… my ever loyal servants… The day we have been waiting for is finally here… We shall have our revenge!… And we shall no doubt have this very planet as a reward for our trouble!…
Lo Pan throws his head back and his arms up in the air. Then the figure of a tall, pale, and much younger Chinese man, with long black hair and the garments and head gear befitting of an ancient Chinese emperor, with long stylized fake fingernails, emerges from the body in the wheelchair in a flash of light. The emergent figure stands six feet tall, but doesn’t appear to touch the ground, with feet that cannot be seen beneath his fancy robes. The body of the ancient mandarin in the chair, begins to wither away and crumble to dust right in the chair, much to the disappointment of the now much younger looking Lo Pan apparition.
Lo Pan:
Damn… Now I’m going to need a new vessel… And they’re so hard to find in my size…
The assembled minions nod with Lo Pan in knowing agreement. Very very far away from the Earth, Klytus appears in his tower in the imperial palace of Mongo, with Zarkhov and Flash, in another poof of black smoke. A woman dressed all in tight form fitting black stands there waiting for them as they arrive, with black boots and black gloves, and with only her face showing, framed by a golden tiara.
Black Clad Woman:
He should be skinned alive!…
Klytus The Fallen:
Now now Dir. Kala… We don’t have time for gratuitous self indulgence… We are all waiting for the emperor to decide our fate… And the emperor will not be denied…
Dir. Kala:
You are as much to blame for this as this defective agent… With all due respect ancient ancestor… You indulge them far too much… Now we are all in jeopardy for the sake of this one defective agent… Why?… What for?… The emperor should probably burn this backwater planet to ash… and be done with it… And he probably will… with us on it!…
Klytus The Fallen:
The emperor will do… what the emperor will do… And we shall do as we are ordered… nothing more… and nothing less…
Dr. Zarkhov:
Please Dir. Kala… My son and I meant no disloyalty…
Dir. Kala:
Son!?!… This… pugilist… is your son?!?… Outrageous!… This is all in complete defiance of Ming’s law!… The emperor will feel well justified in wiping us all out!… when he finds out about this…
Klytus The Fallen:
The emperor will find out… because I will tell him… rather than waiting for him to discover it on his own… There is nothing else that can be done… So that is what we will do… I have no time for this old debate Kala… If we survive this… then we shall revisit the matter… Until then… stow it!… And inform the emperor of the arrival of his subjects… I will deal with Zarkhov and the pugilist… Now!…
Dir. Kala:
Yes… Lord Klytus… immediately…
Dir. Kala leaves Klytus to deal with his errant descendants. Dir. Kala makes her way down to a large central surveillance room with monitor feeds from various locations throughout the empire, including a distant war of genocide by Mongo, against the Mongo subject domain of Ardentia. Waiting in the back of the room, is a male figure clad all in red and black military garb, with a shiny black helmet, standing next to a man dressed all in some fine regal green robes, with green leather boots, sporting shoulder length black hair and a mustache.
Dir. Kala:
Gen. Ajax… Lord Klytus has returned with the new arrivals… Go ahead and make the preparations as ordered by Emperor Ming… And inform the emperor at once…
Gen. Ajax:
Yes Dir. Kala… Understood… I’ll see to it at once…
The General in the red and black with the shiny black helmet leaves Dir. Kala with the regal man in green.
Green Man:
New arrivals?… Dir. Kala?… What sort of new arrivals?…
Dir. Kala:
Nothing you need concern yourself with Lord Barin… All of Mongo will soon be apprised… You needn’t distract yourself unnecessarily… from your duties in the war…
Lord Barin:
My duties… in the war… are nothing but a sick joke that Ming insists on playing on me… My role is little more than ceremonial… And I don’t find genocide any where near as entertaining as the emperor… And there is nothing new about a genocide of Mongo… New arrivals on the other hand… now that is definitely more interesting at a minimum… So what’s new in Mongo all of a sudden?…
Dir. Kala:
I’d rather not talk of the disgrace unnecessarily… This could get all of Lord Klytus’ descendant’s purged for good… And I could not blame the emperor for it if he did…
Lord Barin:
Surely you don’t hold yourself in so little esteem… that you would so easily forsake your own life… for the mistakes of others…
Dir. Kala:
Agents such as the descendants of Lord Klytus… are nothing but tools to serve the immortal Emperor Ming… My life has no purpose beyond that… by Ming’s law…
Lord Barin:
That sounds like an awfully cold existence… Perhaps I can warm it up for you a little bit… while you tell me all about it…
Lord Barin moves closer to Dir. Kala, and maneuvers his hands in around Dir. Kala’s waste.
Dir. Kala:
Lord Barin!… Not here… Come with me…
Dir. Kala leads Lord Barin out into the hallway to find some relative privacy. They molest each other in the hallway for a minute, before Lord Barin brings up the subject of new arrivals again.
Lord Barin:
Come on Kala… I’m being tortured with boredom by the emperor… Just a little gossip?… Please?… We’re all going to know soon anyway… You said so yourself…
Dir. Kala:
One of our advance agents… an Agent Zarkhov… has gone native… and been noticed doing so publicly by the emperor himself… soon to be made an example of no doubt… This Agent Zarkhov was special to Lord Klytus… I don’t know why exactly… He was supposedly a gifted prodigy… But so was I… But then Lord Klytus shipped him off to some obscure world… inexplicably… This champion of Zarkhov’s… this Flash Gordon… his son no less… will no doubt pay right along side Zarkhov… And we may all yet join him…
Lord Barin:
Flash Gordon?… The heavyweight champion from the empire feeds?…
Dir. Kala:
Yes… from Earth…
Lord Barin:
Ugh… That sounds unpleasant…
Dir. Kala:
Perhaps that’s why Zarkhov lost his mind…
The couple resume their mutual molestation, as the prying eyes of Emperor Ming watch them remotely from his private chambers through a surveillance camera feed from the hallway. The immortal Emperor Ming reclines in a black overstuffed chair with golden embroidery, with long black hair, tied up in a top knot, dressed in red and black robes, likewise with golden embroidery. In the emperor’s chambers, a lightening strike hits the floor in the center of the room, striking out from the surrounding walls, and materializing four figures where it struck. The figure of Lo Pan and his three minions in business suits, are materialized kneeling before the emperor.
Emperor Ming:
Identify yourselves… and explain your intrusion… while you still can…
Lo Pan:
Please forgive this terribly rude intrusion your supreme holiness… But I have urgent news of dire importance to your supreme holiness… concerning your Lord Klytus and his acolyte… Agent Zarkhov… There is great treachery afoot your supreme holiness… Treachery that your loyal and humble servant Lo Pan just had to inform you of… with the utmost in haste…
Emperor Ming:
Go on… You have my attention… Make the most of it… or prepare to be destroyed…
Dale Arden sleeps off her exasperated exhaustion in the rear of a buzz saw bird, a war shuttle of Mongo. Jack Burton is still drugged out and sleeping across from her in the back. Dale begins to come to, as the crew of the buzz saw remains silent and tense. Egg Shen notices Dale awaken, and greats her from right behind the pilot’s seat, where Nero pilots the Buzz saw, with Capt. Burton in the copilot’s seat to his right, still wearing US Marines uniform, and with the remainder of the crew lining the inner walls of the ship, along with several moving boxes, weapons cases, and garment bags.
Uncle Egg:
Good morning Miss Arden… Welcome to the war…
Dale Arden:
Is that supposed to be funny?… Where are we?…
Uncle Egg:
Half way to Mongo… But we only just left… These things are pretty fast…
Nero:
Hawk men buzz saw birds are the best there are… Even the older ones can run circles around the imperial standards… with modifications of course… But even we need a destination… besides Mongo… We’re not actually have to go to Mongo do we?…
Uncle Egg:
No… But we don’t know where to yet…
Dale Arden:
Wait… We’re in space?… Have I been kidnapped?… I didn’t consent to this…
Uncle Egg:
Perhaps not… Call it protective custody then if you like… I was ordered to do so by someone far older and more powerful than you… So suck it up Miss Arden… Where we are going… it’s going to get beyond difficult and complicated… If you and your child are going to survive the process… you’re going to have to get used to it… and fast… The Earth is no where near as safe as where you are right now… There is no safe place anywhere…
Dale Arden:
But I’m pregnant!…
Uncle Egg:
So’s Miao Yin!… So are the billions of pregnant women who are in the cross hairs back on Earth that have no where to go… Count your self lucky that you have a fighting chance… Whatever happens…
Miao Yin:
What makes you think I’m pregnant?… Uncle Shen?…
Uncle Shen:
Oh please… Everyone knows… You’re pregnancy is probably the most obvious in history without showing a bulge… I don’t know why you should insist on being so shy about it…
Miao Yin:
I’m not being shy… It’s just more complicated than that…
Wang Chi:
Why is that?… exactly?…
Miao Yin:
It is a matter of an oath… that was given to my people… when we… we’re arranged to be together… I’ve tried to ignore it… But now that we are on a path towards reuniting with the Leokin people… Now my oath to my own people will be unavoidable…
Wang Chi:
Unavoidable how?… What oath?…
Uncle Egg:
Perhaps I can explain… as I was a party to those discussions… Although perhaps a little background might help with that… According to legend… the Leokin people have always been guides and guardians to the underworld… charged by God with the duty from time immemorial… They have a special sensitivity that allows them to better navigate the maze of the underworld… even detecting hidden gateways for entry and exit… When Ming came to power… he ordered the wholesale slaughter of the Leokin…. because he feared their power… But their power made them difficult to corner and eliminate… Which is the major part of what the emperor feared… The Leokin are also known to produce immortals… And the emperor will tolerate no potential source of rivals to his own immortal power… Miao Yin’s tribe were the first to come to Earth thousands of years ago… They settled in China… and adopted the culture as their own… while keeping the knowledge of their true nature a secret… Her tribe always held as their ultimate goal… the return to the fight against the empire… And part of that requires some political considerations… unfortunately…
Wang Chi:
Political considerations?…
Uncle Egg:
Like an arranged marriage… among other things… Miao Yin here is a veritable princess of her tribe…
Wang Chi:
So that’s why our parents arranged for us to be married… But this is old news… We’re married now… Deal done… right?…
Uncle Egg:
That was not the actual deal…
Wang Chi:
What was?…
Miao Yin:
I was to be the wife of an arranged marriage… But not to you… I was to be the wife… of the future Lion King…
Wang Chi:
Jack!?!… You were arranged to marry Jack?!?… But why did you marry me?…
Miao Yin:
Because you were to be my Earth husband…
Wang Chi:
Earth husband?…
Uncle Egg:
Technically speaking… Miao Yin was to be the wife of the future Lion King… And you… were to be her imperial consort… an imperial concubine for making babies… royal heirs… as far as the Leokin people were concerned… The reason for jack’s arrangement was obvious politically… But you were to help further enshrine an alliance by blood between the Leokin people… and the members of our order… as well as humans in general… But Jack’s arrangement was more political… and might not ever matter on Earth… But your arrangement was more important on Earth… which is why you and Miao Yin were encouraged to correspond from a very young age… And that is why even Jack doesn’t know…
Wang Chi:
Did my father know?… Did you?… Miao Yin?…
Miao Yin:
I knew… our parents made the deal… But my parents would never allow any doubt or confusion in my purpose… I was just hoping it would never come up… But now… I’m at a loss for explanations… whether for you… or for my own people… Where we are going… I will be expected to produce at least one Leokin heir with Jack… But the only child I have… is with you… Which may be considered inappropriate… and out of order… at a minimum… There will be questions… and I have no answers…
Wang Chi:
If anyone has a problem with you being my wife… they can take it up with my swords… And as soon as the future Lion King wakes up… I’m sure he’ll say the same… And as far as producing a royal heir is concerned… Jack will just have to get in line… because I beat him to it… no matter what happens next… Does she really have to produce an heir?… For politics?…
Miao Yin:
Yes… I must… I am honor bound… I don’t know how I would have ever managed to broach the subject… But now we have no choice but to deal with it…
Wang Chi:
Look… No matter what it takes… or what anyone has to say about it… you’re my wife… And whatever you decide… I will live with it… No matter what… because you’re my wife… Worst case scenario… we’ll just get Jack drunk one night… while I’m seriously sedated elsewhere…
Miao Yin:
You’re too understanding for your own good… And I don’t deserve you… But I will take you…
Wang Chi:
You bet you will… I am an imperial concubine after all… That’s just how we role…
Capt. Burton:
Does this mean that Jack can finally get over Gracie?… for real?… not just in denial?…
Miao Yin:
Doubtful…
Wang Chi:
Severely…
Nero:
That’s really interesting and all… But I still need a destination… besides Mongo…
Uncle Egg:
Lets go to Mongo…
Nero:
What?!?…
Uncle Egg:
I’m serious… We don’t know where to go… But we know that Zarkhov and Flash are going to Mongo… if they’re not there already… We have to go to Mongo just to find out where to go… and what we can do… if anything… by stealth…
Nero:
Stealth it is then… stealth and suicide…
Dale Arden:
What will the emperor do with Flash and Dr. Zarkhov?…
Nero:
If their lucky?… He’ll break them somehow… publicly… and enslave them… warp their minds… and play with them… publicly… as a public lesson in the power of the immortal Emperor Ming… before eventually killing them…
Dale Arden:
That’s the lucky scenario?…
Nero:
Well… I’m sure that won’t be the case… We are going there now… right?… That other scenario is without intervention… Right?… Uncle Egg?…
Uncle Egg:
Sure… But if we succeed… then Klytus might kill us for disobeying orders…
Capt. Burton:
That’s one way to look on the brightish side…
Dale Arden:
Uncle Egg?… Who… or what… is Klytus?…
Uncle Egg:
Lord Klytus the Fallen One… is a fallen angel… according to legend… fallen due to ambition… and the lust for power… for good at first… and then only for more power… Lord Klytus was the emperor before Ming… He was overthrown and enslaved by Ming… And all of his descendants were enslaved with him as his agents… like Dr. Zarkhov… For untold generations… the descendants of Lord Klytus have been bred and trained to serve the emperor by Lord Klytus himself… But Dr. Zarkhov was special… and Lord Klytus taught him things that were forbidden to be taught… Which is why Lord Klytus entrusted him to safeguard the heirs to the Lion King… which brought him to Earth to father a child to begin with…
Capt. Burton:
Forbidden knowledge?…
Uncle Egg:
The knowledge of the immortals… The knowledge to develop and train… to condition oneself to achieve greater longevity and power… up to the point in rare instances… where someone becomes truly immortal… or as truly as can be… Dr. Zarkhov has been sharing this knowledge with me… It bears a great deal of resemblance to the Chinese discipline… of chi kung… as well as the better known Indian discipline of Yoga… Emperor Ming forbid the knowledge and it’s dissemination… out of an understandable desire to eliminate the potential competition… that might do to him… what he did to Lord Klytus…
Dale Arden:
Wait… Lord Klytus is a fallen angel?… Like Nero?…
Nero:
I’m a hawk man!… By legend… we are descendants of fallen angels… But the hawk men don’t care… not for anything but their own freedom… We’re powerful and dangerous… Even the emperor must think twice about picking unnecessary fights with us… But unfortunately… our power serves only our own short sighted view of freedom… In the long run… we will all fall to Ming… just as well as everyone else… But try convincing them of that… I know… I’ve tried… That’s why I’m here with you lot… instead of with my own people…
Dale Arden:
Well maybe we should go talk to the hawk men…
Nero:
They’d be more likely to shoot us out of the sky on sight… even more so if they know I’m on board… I’m not exactly popular with my own people…
Capt. Burton:
They sound cool… Are you sure we can’t reach them?…
Nero:
We can’t even get close… Lord Klytus could… But he hates them… and the feeling is mutual… They hate me largely from my association with Klytus… Plus I’m an annoyance of conscience… believe it or not… among other things… Mongo is the only place any non hawk man can even get close to a hawk man… And Mongo is no place for a proper conversation… of any kind… Nothing good ever happens on Mongo…
Back on Mongo, nothing good is in the process of being prepared to happen in the imperial throne room of Ming. Announcements are made for an imperial examination by the immortal Emperor Ming himself, and possibly an execution or two. The empire feeds begin to stream a highlight reel of Flash Gordon’s fight career, including his title defense against the Jack Hammer.
Delegations begin to arrive on Mongo from all over the empire, heeding Ming’s call for mandatory attendance. Even the hawk men arrive in a delegation with the lord of the hawk men and his son. The hawk men land outside without a vessel, and proceed in towards the imperial throne room. The hawk men wear various leather harnesses and armor that hold their leather pants and boots in place, while still allowing their wings to open freely. The denizens of Mongo clear aside and give the hawk men delegation a wide birth.
Far outside of the imperial capital city of planet Mongo, Nero’s buzz saw bird decloaks, and begins to land with a roaring buzzing sound, that sounds like a combination of a cutting buzz saw, and the sustained electrical discharge of Tesla coils. The bird itself has a large bullet like fuselage, with a nose cone that comes to a sharp point in front, and a large primary plasma rocket thruster on the back, and stabilizing fins along the top and sides. The landing gear is shaped as solid fin like rails running along sides of the bottom on either side, which also have plasma thrusters directed downward for vertical take off and landing. Nero lands in an abandoned canyon redoubt of the hawk men on planet Mongo, long since forgotten by most of the hawk men themselves, as well as almost everyone else.
Nero:
Alright… We’re here… I don’t believe that I need to remind you people about how bad an idea this is…
Dale Arden:
I thought that you said that this place was safe…
Nero:
I have repeatedly said… that there is no safe place anywhere on Mongo… and nothing good ever happens here… And I stand by that statement… This place… is just relatively unknown and forgotten… Long since abandoned from before the time of Ming… during the reign of Klytus… But we can’t take it for granted that it’s safe… just because it’s forgotten… In the past… I would meet with Lord Klytus secretly here… because only we knew about it… or so we would hope…
Dale Arden:
Or so we would hope?…
Nero:
And we’re still just hoping here… No promises… No guarantees… No safe havens…
Uncle Egg:
Fair enough Nero… Do you have any means to communicate with Klytus?… now that we’re here?…
Nero:
None that can be trusted… We stopped doing this for a reason… There’s a secret tunnel passage way into the city from here… But surveillance is fairly comprehensive… And I’m a known and wanted criminal in the empire… Emperor Ming himself signed my death warrant…
Uncle Egg:
You needn’t sound so proud of it...
Nero:
Are kidding?… It’s the crowning achievement of life so far… It’s just really inconvenient right just this moment… Because I can’t go in… And neither can the Leokin…
Capt. Burton:
Why can’t we go in?…
Nero:
The Leokin have been marked for extinction since the beginning of the reign of Ming… The city has very sensitive surveillance equipment… capable of detecting the signature of Leokin life signs… You can’t just blend in here… That leaves only humans from Earth… And you guys don’t know the way… or the culture… And none of you brought a change of cloths… at least none suitable for Mongo…
Capt. Burton:
I don’t suppose that we can just hack in… Or even just listen in on the locals public feed… Klytus said that Ming recognized Jack… from the fight… So they must have something like cable or satellite TV…
Jack Burton:
Recognized me?… on TV?… What channel?… On what planet for that matter?… Where the hell are we?…
Capt. Burton:
Planet Mongo…
Jack Burton:
Planet Mongo!?!… What the hell are we doing here of all places?…
Capt. Burton:
Working the problem Jack… As you should be doing… rather than complaining when other people do theirs… to save your ungrateful life…
Jack Burton:
Ouch sis… That is way too harsh by far… I just don’t like being Shanghai’d… Speaking of which… Uncle Egg?… It was you wasn’t it?… You got some splainin to do…
Uncle Egg:
There is nothing to explain Jack… You were being a punk… So we took care of it… And there isn’t really much to explain because we don’t know anything useful yet… So cool your jets and stop complaining…
Jack Burton:
Wang?… Are you cool with this?… What is it?… What’s wrong?… Did someone die already?… What’s eating you all of a sudden?…
The imperial concubine Wang and his ‘Earth wife’ exchange an awkward and uncomfortable glance before Wang answers.
Wang Chi:
It’s… It’s nothing Jack… nothing that can’t wait… under the circumstances… We were just about to eavesdrop on the imperial city… just like hacking free cable… right?… Nero?…
Nero:
Uh… Right… We can pick that up from here… anywhere in the empire really… Ming made sure… It’s one of his various means of control… But being this close to it… we might even get some security feeds…
Uncle Egg:
Show us what you got…
Various holographic displays fire up and shimmer into view, including various security feeds, as well as the streaming highlight real of Flash Gordon’s fights, including the one with the Jack Hammer.
Jack Burton:
Great… We’re stars of Mongo TV… Just what I always wanted…
All of the empire feeds switch over to a live view of the imperial throne room, and then dramatically go dark.
Time Waits For No One
Eternity Never Sleeps
There Is No Rest For The Wicked Ones
There Is Never Any Real Peace To Keep
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