Tales Of The Immortal Flash! #TalesOfTheImmortalFlash , A Flash Gordon/Highlander/BTLC Fan Fiction, Prologue: Klytus I’m Bored… Immortality Has It’s Curses… There Can Be Only One Immortal Emperor!
Tales Of The Immortal Flash! #TalesOfTheImmortalFlash , A Flash Gordon/Highlander/BTLC Fan Fiction, Prologue: Klytus I’m Bored… Immortality Has It’s Curses… There Can Be Only One Immortal Emperor!
Prologue:
Klytus I’m Bored… Immortality Has It’s Curses…
There Can Be Only One Immortal Emperor!
The shiny blue oasis of Earth appears as if viewed from the dark abyss of space. Voices are heard from the darkness.
Immortal Emperor Ming:
Klytus I’m Bored… Immortality has it’s curses… As you well know… The fallen ones know well… the curse of boredom… among other curses…
Fallen Klytus:
Yes… Quite so… Your holiness… You could just… destroy something…
Immortal Ming:
I don’t want to destroy just anything!… Snuffing out some random insignificant speck means nothing to me!… I want to get to know my victims before I destroy them… I want to believe in their destruction… I want to relish it!… Surely their must be something… A minor rebellion perhaps?… an offensive or heretical joke against me?… fashion foibles?…
Fallen Klytus:
I’m afraid… that you’ve already exhausted those distractions your holiness… The court is wary… and careful… Perhaps you could stimulate them into something entertainingly stupid… if a new element of chaos were introduced… But such things are like playing with fire your holiness… But I think we are both desperately bored enough to entertain the prospect… It might possibly introduce an element of genuine danger to us… even to your holiness…
Immortal Ming:
Desperately bored enough Klytus?… for genuine danger?… to me?… That’s bordering on seditious heresy… But you’re perfectly right!… I am that bored!… But where can we find such a random and dangerous element of chaos?… dangerous even to me?… Careful now Klytus… even the fallen ones can be punished further…
Fallen Klytus:
I would only suggest the old crusade… your holiness… The only theoretical source of real competition… and still the great eternal work of your holiness… by your own holy decree… There can be only one Immortal Emperor of the Heavens… All usurpers must be destroyed… And their wellspring civilizations conquered or annihilated…
Immortal Ming:
And pray tell Klytus… do you believe that you have any real prospects for this?… any would be princes of the universe?…
Fallen Klytus:
Unknown… But there was a rumor of a case some time ago… on a relatively recently discovered planet on the edges of the imperial domain of the heavens… currently slated for conquest… and assimilation… pending the current appraisal process… Supposedly… someone came back from the dead… and started a new religion in the process… Regardless of whether it’s true or not… that will have to be destroyed for the sake of assimilation of course… assuming it’s worth acquiring at all to begin with… rather than just clearing aside…
Immortal Ming:
And where is this hypothetical immortal now?… if he or she is supposedly immortal?…
Fallen Klytus:
According to their religion… He… rose from the dead… and ascended to the heavens… to join his father there… as he was supposedly the son of God almighty to begin with… in this mythology…
Immortal Ming:
You don’t say… I didn’t realize that I had gotten around that well… Now I have bastard offspring on planets that I’ve never even heard of before…
Fallen Klytus:
Perhaps your holiness… It could all be apocryphal… the planet in question does have a penchant for… vivid imaginings… and for blending them together… and getting lost in the deliberately blurred distinctions…
Immortal Ming:
That sounds like a rather intimate portrayal… almost like family… Surely you don’t have sympathies… for this… what was it called again?…
Fallen Klytus:
Earth your holiness… They call it… Earth…
Immortal Ming:
Earth?… Sounds like an intestinal disorder suffered by livestock…
Fallen Klytus:
Yes your holiness… And no your holiness… I have no sympathies here… But I’m afraid one of our advance agents does… That was his description… He’s gone dark… He no longer files regular reports… and he has not yet replied to my direct commands for a full immediate report… So… I’m afraid that agent Zarkhov… seems to have gone native… Such things happen among our advance agents… No matter how good their programming… Any such system capable of having such a compromising influence upon one of our agents… is normally considered to be too dangerous to be trifled with… and slated for summary comprehensive annihilation… I was considering summary annihilation… But you are bored… And there is only so much that I can manage in the way of anything interesting for you…
Immortal Ming:
Indeed… And agreed… I’m bored with you too… Let’s take a closer look at this… Earth… and me without my rubber gloves…
An Earth satellite transmission comes into view. Various channels are surfed and switched between, until the immortal emperor sees something more familiar.
Immortal Ming:
Stop… Go back… I think I’ve found signs of civilization… Keep Going… There!… That looks interesting… familiar at least…
Fallen Klytus:
Flashbacks?… your holiness?…
Immortal Ming:
Yes… Quite a few…
The immortal emperor Ming and the fallen one Klytus, begin to observe an MMA professional fighting competition, the UFC heavyweight championship bout, in full combat swing, late in the bout. A pair of bald middle aged white dudes provide commentary on the sidelines for the broadcast, while a pair of viking warriors do battle in the arena. One blonde haired blue eyed viking, battles in the ring with a brown eyed human lion, with a thick mane of wavy brown hair, and a beard to match, sans claws and fangs, for the moment. In the lion corner, three Asian men stand in his corner, one his age, and two older coaches. In the blonde corner stands a young brunette woman, jumping up and down, next to a much older man, with long salt and pepper hair and beard, whom Klytus the fallen one recognizes.
Brunette Woman:
Go Flash!…
Fallen Klytus:
Agent Zarkhov… So this is what you’ve been up to…
Immortal Ming:
That?… is your agent Zarkhov?… Fighting in the arena?… I thought your agents were mostly scholars…
Fallen Klytus:
They are… Agent Zarkhov isn’t fighting in the arena… He’s in one of their corners…
Immortal Ming:
Really?… Which one?…
Fallen Klytus:
It appears to be the blonde one’s… A popular competitor in the captured satellite broadcast… simulcast on the empire channel… as a prelude to conquest and assimilation…
Immortal Ming:
I thought he looked familiar… Flash… something… He’s everyone’s champion… He’s the current champion on their world… is he not?…
Fallen Klytus:
Yes…
Immortal Ming:
And you’ve been following this?… This whole time?… Right?…
Fallen Klytus:
Yes… your holiness…
Immortal Ming:
But this is the first time you’ve seen your Agent Zarkhov with him?…
Fallen Klytus:
Yes… your holiness… He must have been keeping a low profile before… Or his programming could be faulty… I may have to… reassess… my methods…
Immortal Ming:
Perhaps Klytus… Perhaps… Doesn’t his opponent look familiar to you?… almost like the lion king?… This brings back such fond memories… like finally killing him with my bare hands…
Fallen Klytus:
Quite so… your holiness… except for him clearly being human… the similarity across species… is astounding… if you squint just right…
White Bald Guy 1:
Joe… I feel like I may need you to pinch me…
Joe:
Not on your life boss… You don’t pay me enough for that Dana… Forget about it… Just stop asking already… It’s embarrassing… Have some dignity… and enjoy the fight…
Dana:
Ha… Ha… People have been waiting for this fight for ever and… I can’t believe this is still going… The stamina of these two is inhuman…
Joe:
Definitely the two most popular fighters in the game… But only one can win… And everyone is going to be at least a little heart broken when it’s over… no matter who wins…
Dana:
It’s like dueling Cinderella stories playing out before us… a tragic war hero grudge match… between the golden fly boy Flash Gordon… and the black ops medal of honor winning Jack Hammer Burton… where the tragedy is that… no matter who wins… a hero loses…
Joe:
Don’t ruin my buzz mister glass half empty… This fight is fantastic!… The grudge match angle just makes it even better!… With spec ops alumni in either corner… training partners even… raising the stakes and making everything that much more personal… That’s what’s keeping them going for this long!… I don’t know how much longer they can do this… But there has to be a winner… And the golden boy is going to get unseated in his first title defense… if he doesn’t stop the Jack Hammer from laying down the Wing Chun combinations…
Dana:
He needs to tie him up… take him to ground…
Joe:
But that’s easier said than done with the Jack Hammer…
The Jack Hammer continues to launch multiple combinations of palm strikes against Flash’s body and face. But then he launches an attempt at a knock out blow. Flash then blends and spins around with it, in a spinning roundhouse kick, striking Jack in the back, and adding to Jack’s momentum, and sending him into one of the a posts of the octagon. Jack bounces off the post and into the waiting arms of Flash, who maneuvers and spins him around into an arm lock on the floor, forcing Jack to tap out.
Joe:
Woe!… Just like that something had to break eventually… Someone had to make a mistake… even for a moment… And bam… you’re done…Who’s ever in that position… to capitalize on the other’s mistake… wins…
Dana:
Yeah… But one thing is for sure… With his first successful title defense… this will finally silence the doubters… The golden boy Flash is for real… and not a Flash in the pan… but a Flash bang!…
Immortal Ming:
All hail Flash!… The golden boy!… The heavyweight champion… of the universe!…
Fallen Klytus:
They certainly believe so… your supreme holiness…
Immortal Ming:
Your agent Zarkhov certainly seems to believe so… It makes me wonder about what in your programming… would allow for that to happen…
Fallen Klytus:
It is definitely cause for concern… But not uncommon among advance agents…
Immortal Ming:
Or just your advance agents…
The ring is prepared for the closing ceremonies. Scantily clad ring girls hold up a big over sized check behind Joe, Flash, Agent Zarkhov, and the young brunette woman, as they gather in the middle of the ring for some closing remarks.
Joe:
Flash… Flash… I know your eager to celebrate with your girlfriend… But tell me… how did you make it through that marathon fight?… The Jack Hammer don’t quit…
Flash:
Well that’s true… The Jack Hammer don’t quit… But neither does the power the lord God almighty!… I owe it all to the power and guidance of my lord and savior Jesus Christ!… Amen!…
Immortal Ming:
Lord God almighty!?!… Lord and savior!?!… Is this your agent Zarkhov’s mischief?…
Fallen Klytus:
Unlikely… your supreme holiness… The name Jesus Christ… is the name of that rumored immortal that I mentioned before… This… Flash Gordon… must be a devotee to the cult of this… Christ… person…
Immortal Ming:
Well… that does make things much more interesting…
Fallen Klytus:
Perhaps if this cult of Christ can have this kind of effect on one of my advance agents… then maybe I should just clear it away and be done with it…
Immortal Ming:
No No No Klytus… Things have only just started getting interesting again… And I have in mind a test for this rogue agent of yours… Send another top level urgent communique to this agent… Tell this agent Zarkhov… that he has till the next setting of the Frigian Moons… to report to me in person… and bring to me alive… this… Flash Gordon… champion of earth… follower of this… Christ… Or face the standard summary annihilation… Either way… it should be interesting… And if not… we’ll just have to annihilate it and try to find some other way to pass the time…
Fallen Klytus:
Yes… your supreme holiness…
Time Waits For No One
Eternity Never Sleeps
There Is No Rest For The Wicked Ones
There Is Never Any Real Peace To Keep
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